Title: Mozoquista declining
Chapter: 10/13
Rating: Over 18 years
Language: English
Banda: Dir en Grey
I do not know, probably never will .. I do not make money with this, believe me, and no, not my property ...
Foreword
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Appendix 1
Chapter 9
- A - Ai Shiteru ... - For a second blinking disbelief How could your dreams come true? All this time suffering, hiding their feelings when they shared that anguish. "I've been a fool ." But happiness did not last long. Contrary to what might imagine his heart just stopped beating for a moment and felt like all the blood left his face paled. The memories rushed through his mind, and unavoidably reminded the words of his executioner. Shinya bearish reaction observed and understood immediately that something was not right, that was not a favorable reaction.
- Do not worry if you do not feel the same I ... - I doubt for a moment not knowing what to say. All the strength and courage he had used to utter those words time and felt his heart collapsed when not being reciprocated.
-Shin me ... .- " I love you ... but you deserve someone better ... I ... I'm broken ... I'm dirty ... not worth it you're with me ... I ... I love you " - I want to be alone ... please, I need I understand, I do not want to walk away ... just ...
- Okay, nothing will change between us, "At least that I hope that I will try ... damn ... Die, How could I believe you? Why the hell opened my mouth? . " Shinya sigh unconsciously while trying to hold back tears. An uncomfortable silence gripped the room. Both were lost in their grief, cursing and wanting to disappear. How it hurts to be loved ...
"Let's eat something if? - Serene voice soft but Toshiya broke the silence. He was an actor in nature and hide his feelings when needed would not be a problem. She smiled brightly who still remained in shock and I insist you to get up.
- well, you're right, it is best to eat something. I cook! What do you think? - Shinya exclaimed as he stood up, trying to smile and put away that uncomfortable feeling, that tightness in his heart that he was killing. If it was best to cook something, it always distracted. In addition Toshiya let him cook alone, quiet.
- Well, I'll bathe in the meantime. Do not delay Shin, see that I'm starving, "said bassist while rummaging through his stuff looking for something" decent "to wear.
Shinya nodded silently and left the peliazul busy in his closet to go to cook something delicious, preferably sweet, you go up the mood. Toshiya's kitchen was nothing edible, as expected, but luckily the blond knew this beforehand and bought some instant food: Ramen. While the food is cooked Shinya's mind wandered away. For a moment time stood still, just as cursed and uttered the words from then on everything was a dream which showed no signs of wanting to wake up. " No, not really a dream ... Toshiya not want to be with me ... why I had to open his mouth? So long waiting for this ... God must hate me ... Damn Die, "I was thinking when I heard ...? I am a stupid ... Why the hell Toshiya thought I could feel something for me? If he likes men ... men ... I ... Maybe if I wear skirts ... I'm not the kind of guy who likes to ... how I will look into the eyes? Must be laughing at me ... "(nah, Shinya does not stand with ball lol, stop thinking about stupid things and see that ...)
-Shin, you is burning the food !!!!!!!!!!!- Toshiya's screams him out of his reverie and watch as terrified drummer noodles were burnt completely ruining not only breakfast but also where pot was being prepared.
-ah, Kuso! - Exclaimed as he removed the pan from heat and let the dishwasher, I'm sorry, I do not know what I was thinking ....
-do not worry, we ask for a home and now. Best TV let's see what if? "The bass player doing everything possible to stay busy and pretend that nothing had happened and certainly was achieved. It was incredible the way in which his face was a serenity that was not, as everything seemed fine when in fact it was falling but had to be strong, Shinya was just confused, how could I be in love with someone like him?
Shinya followed him to the couch where they sat peacefully waiting at home while watching a stupid American movie for the umpteenth time spent on TV. The drummer could not help but feel hurt by the reaction of Toshiya but also felt relieved. While there had reciprocated at least not yet had fled and remained warm and friendly with him. "Would you be imported something? "I thought, resting his eyes away from that stunning blonde bobbed lewdly to the TV screen.
's address and not long after both had finished the meal in silence engulf the blond stood up to throw trash away leaving a few yawns on the road did not go unnoticed by bassist .
-Shin, do not sleep well last night? - Toshiya curious wonder as he opened a space drummer beside him on the couch.
-Etto ... because the truth a little shy, "she admitted taking a seat next to the bassist.
"Sorry, did were my snoring? - Said this as I watched him with a child pout on his face that made him look adorable .
-no, you do not snore, "smiled fun but then the smile disappeared from his face as he remembered the reason why he could not sleep that night. I knew something was wrong with peliazul but could not find a way to find out what the hell was and that made him feel helpless.
- So ...? ah ya know .... The floor was cold, right? I know ... it's very cold here is ...
"No, that was. You want the truth? Toshiya you had nightmares last night, look away and still nail on the TV. The drummer decided that he should not stop there, I needed to know he was hurting who adored both crying and screaming ... you looked so sorry can you tell me you dream? Onegai ...
Shin "Nothing was just a nightmare, I can not remember, felt his eyes fill with tears. Could not say, what a shame! Reflecting retired as far as it allowed the chair as if only those close enough to soil the pure essence of the drummer.
- What you do not want? Who told you to stop? Who is he? Toshiya, or you will not have for me but do not deceive me, I could not push more. The bassist was isolated, not only physically also your mind and spirit were away. The blond I want to be away as well, so far that those screams were heard last night could not achieve. The silence dragged on for several minutes before being broken by the soft, hesitant voice of bassist.
-remember ... started to say .- very insecure but knowing that the words would flow because he needed "The man who wore white The video you saw? Well, he and I ... .- not know what to say, did not know where to start, did not mean anything, the shame was too great, the pain ....
- ... - Shinya remembered. How did you forget who love the wild so that the most loved person in the world? I just could not forget even wanted to. The blonde just nodded and waited patiently for the other to continue.
- well ... what you saw is not just one night, the blond felt that it would begin to mourn, all suspicions were true, and .... as you saw it ... no ... we were all there because they wanted to "Toshiya felt that the words refused to come out of his mouth. " breathe"
"But ... - drummer knew that this was not the whole story. The peliazul not seem too conténtenlo with "the situation" was something else.
-had rules he broke. You yourself saw the video, that was not part of the game so I decided to end all that and I did know. It was the same day as the month Kaoru let us breathe freely again. And I doubt to stop, to finish up the momentum. That was the easy part of the story, now came the worst-night at the bar ... when he returns home he was waiting for me ... I was very drunk ... he entered behaved ... so ... different. As if he really cared about me. Do not remember how but we ended up fighting and I lost consciousness. When I woke up .... was tied and found me and him .... He was there ... on ... - could not continue. Began to mourn heartbreakingly, covering his face with both hands trying to hide from whom he loved.
-Shhhh ... all right ... these tenderly embrace me, Shinya bassist who did not resist and buried his face in his chest drummer dampening her shirt with tears bereaved.
"I did not ... I swear ... the only thing he did ... I did it ... my body was acting alone ... I could not help it ... I swear I did not like ... but my body reacted to it ... he was on me and I could not get him off! ... .- had begun to scream wanting to get all this anger kept inside, then .... I spit in the face ... and hit me. It's the last I remember ... As I want rip my skin .... Take away this feeling ... the betrayed me ... I do not know where to hide myself ... I can not escape ... every time I close my eyes there is ... every time I go here .... There is ....
- I'll kill that son of a bitch, Toshiya I look puzzled. I had never heard such words in the mouths of Shinya. She had never seen until that moment mourn-Toshiya have to sue, if you do I'll kill him.
- Shin sudden I can not, the drummer's reaction had surprised him as he left to mourn ... or at least as no longer to hysterically.
- Sure you can! You have my testimony, the medical report Why the hell not going to be? - The blond was seized with a rage that could no longer control and that had been contained for so long.
"Listen. First I do not know his name, I do not know where you live do not know anything real about it! ... Also if you have more videos like these ... understand me, nobody will believe me. Not after night we used to spend all. What if you have more videos and to make public? My career would be ruined and would pass a shadow on Dir en Grey ... I can not let that happen .... Shin, I enter that night pale blonde face for a moment. Does it really to make a difference? No bassist had violated. Point.
-Toshiya, it does not matter ... you ... you were raped - the words of his own mouth he had been hurt and I hate to say them but was the right thing must sue before it happens again.
- He will not come over. Is too proud for that, " believe me, I know him very well ... " the certainty that one thought him breathe more easily. "He will not come more "
- Well do what you want but I'm not going to leave here alone ... - drummer bassist pressed harder against his chest. Wanted it to feel protected, to feel love, no matter whether it was reciprocated, I just wanted to keep him safe.
- What do you mean? - Ask the Toshiya not being quite sure I understand that was what he was trying to say blonde but That did not prevent him feel incredibly happy.
"That I will not leave him alone so he can come back, no way. I'll protect you, I will take care of you remember? - Breath trying to regain their senses, but I need to be always with you to do so.
- You want me to come live with you? - That was more than he bargained for Shinya but the idea sounded a paradise . I really wanted out of that house full of memories where she was terrified even though he had refused entry to his executioner.
"Or if you prefer me to stay here. Just do not want anything bad will happen again .... I could not bear seeing you like ... not again ... - Your original idea was to stay in the house of peliazul but it was certainly much better if I could take it with you.
- I do not want to be here. There are too many shadows .... "I can pack up now? - Is get away from this embrace to stare at the face of Shinya. He did not know how to interpret the expression in his eyes.
- sooner the better! - Was his answer with a sincere smile as he encouraged to get off the couch.
Both set out to gather the essentials for a quick move but due to the volume of things that Toshiya considered "essential" the task seemed certainly work for Titans. Shinya was in the room helping you get more boxes or bags where to put what bassist piled on the dining table, in short all the garbage that had collected for years such as sleeves, DVD collection of horror kilos makeup not to mention hundreds of garments and shoes.
While Toshiya decided he could leave without being felt hopelessly empty, the blond drummer soft voice calling to him from the room distracted him. Upon entering the room found Shinya front of his bedside table, with a dark look and a distinctive bottle in their hands; diazepam. " What is the damn problem with the destination with me? "
- Where do you want to save this - ask in a neutral tone drummer. He was not one to judge Toshiya and really did not want to bottle but he indicated that a storm had developed before his eyes and he had been too blind to notice. "That selfish to be thinking about if I want or not when he is going through this ... "
-I ... - the peliazul had been speechless and paralyzed by the door. The younger one smiled with fondness and some sadness in his eyes but without any reproach that made him feel safer. These pills were all that had allowed him to sleep but had to admit that gradually was becoming addicted. " I have to be strong ... I can not let him feel sorry for me ... I do not want to see me as an addict, I have enough ... "
-oh, sorry, I was just looking for more bags ... I should not put your hands in your drawers, sorry, "said Shinya realizing the uncomfortable situation that had put the bass. Everything had begun to be sniffing around where he should not and again a sense of Déjà vu was present.
-Nah, put them there, "said Toshiya pointing to a trash can. It was best to leave all that hurt him as far as possible, the darkness would not eat it, no more.
Shinya smiled back, feeling relieved when I finish this bottle mixed with other waste. I was not sure you want to keep looking for anything running the risk of finding more things, more hidden secrets peliazul no doubt trying to escape from its darkness and shout Toshiya the world that was more than happy cute bear who stood on stage. Fortunately the other musicians had finished collecting their most necessary belongings and so both left for the apartment Shinya, loaded with a good pair of suitcases, boxes and bags.
Shinya The house was beautiful, comfortable and tastefully decorated. The sun's rays, which threatened to disappear early in the evening, lighting up the whole house with red and beige tones that gave a sense of tranquility and warmth that made Toshiya feel at home instantly.
Miyu received them joyfully, running back and forth as the two men left the "baggage" well accommodated in the room that Toshiya was going to occupy the time that he deemed necessary. That room was entirely white, although rather small compared with the bassist, was well fitted by a single bed apparently very comfortable, a pair of nightstands and a dresser with a huge mirror.
Shinya abandoned his new guest in the room next to his own room, while he kept to the kitchen to prepare what he wanted to prepare for the day: something either fresh or killing him in a diabetic coma or was rising tempers. "Toshiya has been going through all this ... ONLY! ... I was so selfish and blind ... I always thought that everything was under control ... I have to admit that I am afraid ... I do not know what to do ... do not know how to erase all the pain you have caused ... I do not know if I can do ... and I worried about things so banal ... shit ... I could be so blind as ... as ... "
When he had finished dessert served and allowed to fall into a comfortable couch enjoying the pleasant sensation of sweet Miyu in her mouth with her arms who appeared to understand the desolation in his heart and tried to encourage him so. The bassist had joined them after finishing unpacking their suitcases and the two musicians set out to chat about anything from a few sporadic laughs Toshiya who is slowly let his demons free and allowed to feel sad while Shinya was to side watching. I no longer had to pretend that all was well, no longer had to laugh every minute I could be who he really was and let your mood expressed in silence, in the absence of her smile.
Afternoon happened rapidly and finally the drummer decided it was time to sleep so that your beloved pet in her arms, Toshiya goodbye and prepared to take a long deserved rest. The peliazul for its part is comfortable in his new bed at night knowing that even young, kept martyrdom and feeling helpless without his pills he gave to the endless hours of darkness.
Chapter 11
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