Title: Mozoquista declining
Chapter: 11/13
Rating: Over 18 years
Language: English
Banda: Dir en Grey
I do not know, probably never will .. I do not make money with this, believe me, and no, not my property ...
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4 ;
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Appendix 1
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter XI
Darkness. The black sky, no moon, no stars. The night seems to drown in his thick, cold fog, and anxiety, seizes my heart, it eats quickly. ; feel calloused hands by using my bare shoulders gliding. "Naked? I'M NAKED! Under doubtful in view, I find the perspective of my body exposed and terrified me with that image:
A body swollen from the gases of decomposition, the skin of purple-green color is clear from the pieces and in some places I can see my bones. Pus and worms swarming everywhere and drained to the ground where they meet, bathe and feed on other nasty substances that appear to be part of my body: blood and semen.
I want to scream to release this damn oppression that floods my soul, but my lips are silenced by the urgency of a malicious kiss steals my breath. His tongue explores my mouth without my permission and suddenly closed his teeth on my tongue rotted and with incredible ease off that muscle. Sorry for not only blood but putrid fluids flooded my mouth and finally I am free from my tongue, which another mouth that eats with gusto. I can not cry or make a sound because these teeth and mouth that I have not dropped yet, in fact now working on my own lips, pulling them out with the same lack of effort. "Shinya, save me" is the only thing I can think of, but nothing stops the cannibal that devours my flesh putrid and tastes like with their juices bathed in blood, matter and semen.
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-awake, "said Toshiya Shinya while cradling a frightened, but still asleep in his arms downward. A thin layer of sweat beading his delicate skin and lips slightly apart trying to take enough air to avoid dying suffocated him look disturbingly sexy. Gradually peliazul eyes were opened and immediately recognized that heat around him. Her body trembled uncontrollably terrified by a nightmare that was repeated over and over again.
-Shinya ... I feel it I woke up again? - Asked really sorry. During the few days he had lived with the drummer had not spent a single night without nightmares, interrupted sleep of both when, overcome by fatigue, finally managed to sleep late at night.
"Okay but ... Toshiya worry me ... do not want to see a Doctor? You're not sleeping at all, this will have to be doing harm, "the youngest even that perfect body cradled in his arms as he let his thumb caress the shoulders of peliazul in what seemed a vain attempt to comfort him.
I do not like doctors Shin. I really am ... I have days without sleep ... let me ... - breathing slowly again regulated at a steady pace like his heart under the gentle touch of the drummer but to know how much your host bothered him feel helpless and desperate.
"Do not worry. I'll get some warm milk right? - Was the response of blonde although I knew perfectly well that these methods did not work with insomnia and nightmares Toshiya. What I expected was another endless night but hated feeling so helpless even though he was so close.
-Shin leaves so do not worry. Better go to sleep, the bear looked at his watch and sigh just are 4, you can still get some sleep.
"I have no dream, why not better go to a movie to my room, you say? - Was four in the morning and had slept only a few hours but still was sure he would not be able to sleep more. Toshiya smiled whom even embarrassed by all the trouble was not sure what to do.
"But ... you have not slept at all! - It was all her answer as she watched the blonde got out of bed. Delicious sigh, feeling that heat source to drain away of his body frozen by the cold sweat bathed his while he was recovering slowly from the horrible nightmare is not fair that cause so much trouble ... you'd better get back home.
"Not now. And no, I do not want to go, "" I like 're here "- at least not now, yet it is too early do not trust that guy. Come on, stop saying those things and come with me to see something.
"Okay, now," Toshiya did not understand Shinya it was so good to him. Yes, indeed, had told him she loved him but that was not possible does it? But why? Why him from around the world?
A sea of questions attacked his mind as he followed closely the drummer to his room that awaited them well suited Miyu between the pillows on the bed where she slept Shinya . The peliazul be accommodated next to the drummer and covered with thick blankets grateful for the warmth he gave, not only that bed, but that beautiful body that was lying next to hers. I do not pay the slightest attention to the film that the youngest was chosen because it was lost in thought and contemplation of this creature so fragile and yet so strong who threatened to out the light again, to exorcise all his demons, so it will cost the same tranquility. How much damage ...
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When he awoke the first thing I did was look at the clock instinctively: 10 am. Another time they were late. HELLO! The bed was empty, there Shinya and not Miyu. The curtains of the room were still closed as is the door and could not hear any noise from the rest of the apartment. It was incorporated slowly feeling tired and even stayed for a while sitting in bed watching Shinya's room. No doubt the drummer looked after his dream and comfort. The room was all decorated in soft golds and ochres very quiet, a couple of large windows covered by heavy curtains that kept the sun from any disturbed sleep and some simple but elegant furniture. All sensitive and tasteful. If, how good it felt to wake up in that room but would feel better waking up next to Shinya. This thought made him blush " calm, you gotta be strong, it is not time of surrender, you know you deserve it, you know would not be fair. " slowly out of bed and walked slowly out of the room. He shivered as he felt the cold ground when his feet leave of the comfortable and warm carpet covering the floor of the room but this did not prevent to continue their journey through the narrow corridor that connected the living room and kitchen.
The room was completely empty but reflected the care of hands early risers who had left everything in order greeting a new day. The peliazul smiled to himself. It felt like at home and also as a stranger. Toshiya In the silence I hear the drummer's voice sounded from the kitchen. Could not be sure it was what he was saying so I chose a little closer, taking care to be secretive so as not to interrupt the host. Carefully peered through the open door of the kitchen where he met Shinya back, preparing something on the stove (stove or as you call it) while humming a song. The image was beautiful. The drummer was wearing simple jeans and a white shirt not too tight to the body but gracefully outlined her slender figure. Her blond hair fell free, but meticulously arranged on her shoulders creeping up to half of his back, shining through the sun's rays coming through the window giving the whole scene a mystical touch. 'Til the loneliness shadows the sky, I'll be sailing down and I will know, I know I can clear clouds away Oh is it a crime to love ... "Silence. His heart sank at that moment, feeling guilty traitor. Shinya's voice had broken off and became almost a whisper and despite being back to Toshiya this could see the tears sliding down his face porcelain.
How could he Shinya made to suffer this way? They were the words spoken, was all that had not been delivered yet. With the same care with which it had come out of the kitchen and locked himself in the bathroom trying to escape his reality behind those doors but in vain. With resignation took off all their clothes, entered the shower and sat on the floor just under running water. "Really make you suffer? Damn but I am just me! The insensitive, the playful, the stupid, the flirtatious, the slut ... How can you love me? "Toshiya let his thoughts and his tears were washed away by the pure, cold water flowed through his body but it did little to calm his troubled mind.
When his body was completely numb finally decided to leave the water, covered with a towel and went straight to his room where he slowly began to dress and no matter how late the hour to come to practice.
"Good morning, I greet Toshiya Shinya when peliazul finally decided to leave the room. The truth was that no longer could avoid contact with the blond without were already several hours late, they would kill Kaoru.
Shin "Good morning" was his reply. To his surprise Shinya had served on the table what looked like a delicious traditional breakfast with his hand he was invited to sit.
"I prepare the breakfast ... I hope you like it," said the smiling younger. No doubt it looked beautiful with that sweet smile on their lips instead of the tears that should have been shed this morning. Sadness bassist invaded again. How could he do so sublime creature suffer? Shinya watched him with curiosity and a hint of melancholy in his eyes - Why do not you sit? It may not be the best you have ever tasted in your life but ...
"It's late for practice, the peliazul was surprised to hear his words but could not find another how to react, I could not just jump into the arms of younger and merging them would you?
- Die name, practice was canceled. Kyo has an appointment with the doctor to check what your ear and Kaoru's with him and no practice, the blond looked tired and defeated and that beaming smile and no trace remained on his face.
- ... I ... - was all he managed to say even shocked by her attitude towards the drummer. It was not fair. It was not just hurting and he loved was not just having to pretend that nothing matters. Heck, life is unfair. Sigh just to give strength and smiling as he sat at the table where he had left Shinya breakfast - well, for being so ... to eat!
They sat at the table, Shinya with a sad look in his eyes, to enjoy breakfast, to the surprise of the bassist, was exquisite. Never would have thought that Shinya was so good in the kitchen (although that often cooked breakfast was pure ambrosia) but neither would have imagined that Shinya could be so sweet and fragile. I had always seen as someone younger cold, hard and strong and this picture had not changed even though his heart had finally given up the love for that to be so magnificent. No doubt he was not the only one who kept secrets, but this was the kind of secrets that would not mind and actually be enjoyed with every detail that the drummer let out, becoming more and more like a human. And what a human being. The last few weeks had discovered a wonderful person and very reluctantly her love for the blond had grown exponentially to the point that he could not think of a single day pass without seeing those eyes, that smile that only he could enjoy .
were found himself lost in the soft lines of the face of the drummer, in sharp strokes his chin, turned on their lips, sensual and innocent, in his thin nose, slowly climbing, sliding down that delicate and smooth skin to finally meet with a sad look in her brown eyes, a look that was there because of him. No doubt this morning he had been rude to Shinya and it was not fair to make him suffer, " why the hell you had to fall in love with me? "he repeated in his mind as he finished breakfast swallow feeling guilty and helpless, looking for magical solutions and perfect alternate worlds where no one suffered, which could be lost and found in the spleens of Shinya, worlds where their sins never happened. " coward ... stop dreaming ... be strong ... you can not allow him to suffer after all he has done for you instead of dreaming ... I must do something! ". Resigned sigh. I needed to walk, I needed quiet, fresh air and there was only one place in the world who could give peace to sort the thoughts in his head and that was a traditional garden (yes, a traditional day lol) Japanese away from the bustle of the city . No doubt he wanted to enjoy the peace that only nature can provide but a part of if not allowed to even think about the possibility of avoiding the blonde drummer who at the time raised the dishes from the table and was about to wash. The younger half-heartedly smiled when passed him after a "thank you" almost inaudible. The day was beautiful, a clear sky and bright sun illuminating everything, full of life and that was just what I needed to clear his head.
-Shinya-"nothing to lose by trying " - would accompany me for a walk?
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The scenery was beautiful. Its silhouettes were drawn on the surface of a small artificial lake and next to them the magnificent flowers of all colors around them. Both were leaning against the trunk of a sakura tree which fell on them and the ground due to a breeze that was far from smooth. The sun was hiding slowly gave way to the moon who timidly peered at the sky while being overshadowed by the brightness of that star burning that would not go away. Toshiya lay on the soft grass with her head on the lap of the drummer who unconsciously stroking her hair as her eyes lost in the horizon, keeping to himself that beautiful and unique evening with his loved. The silent hours had elapsed since noon when they reached their destination. The peliazul appreciated the friendly company of the younger who, in their silence gave him a warmth he could not remember ever having felt before. Lazily lifted his head to observe the sky drawn in beautiful colors and reddish violet dying and bleeding in splendid bliss, decorated with clouds made of soft flirty stretching to the horizon strokes. His eyes decided to escape that image and took refuge in the only place able to make you feel safe and for the second time he choked on the face of her lover. looked at his profile, was lost in it, longed to be allowed hug, caress, kiss ever thought I would rather die than make him suffer and yet that was all I could do, all I knew. Unintentionally reminded that beautiful song on the lips of Shinya, simply because it was painful to contemplate so his eyes, as if they have their own life, moved away from that figure and were lost in the lake while helplessly some words escaped his mouth.
- Why? - Toshiya's voice broke the silence of countless minutes. Maybe it was just a whisper but it was enough to make your partner hear that question.
- huh? - Shinya knew not respond to a question as vague. " Why ... what? What are you thinking? "His eyes were diverted from their former target and locked on the face of the bassist who remained with her gaze lost in the reflection of the lake.
- Why do you say you love me? - Whisper as soft as if afraid that if you speak higher you wake up its only sleep well and again be tied to a bed being betrayed by his own body, moaning in ecstasy obscene. His eyes still lost but being aware that the drummer looked like he ran this were a physical force that pressed the flesh.
- why do you ask? Does it matter? - Baffled the blond turn away his face impassive gaze downward and rested his head against the tree watching the beautiful Sakuras over their heads, dancing through the air that caressed.
-If you import Shin. You say you love me but why? Is it just lust? - Asked without a hint of excitement in his voice. Shinya maybe going to complain that question but was silenced by the voice of the bass louder now, this body proclaim beautiful ... is ... is wish? - Caught cold with the warm hands of his partner and sensuously slid her body Shinya where I could feel the strong muscles of the chest well-trained and more dangerous route that slowly more and more down, your belly ... Shinya hands instinctively turn away, frightened, confused, anxious, excited.
-Shin you are more beautiful than I ... no ... I can not understand you "and finally to despair by his triumphal entry to the scene sensually walking through the words of bassist.
- I do not know what is Toshiya and not play with me ... this goes beyond lust, of words. I can not say it is. Are the most beautiful thing I've seen in my life, the person brighter, more radiant ... but ... but ... is just that - he stopped doubting continue. I knew that once could not stop and start what was a very good idea that the end of the day? Resignado y más cansado de lo que imaginaba continuo ya no queriendo esconder sus sentimientos- Cuando te vi allí en aquel video, o la vez que te encontré amarrado a tu cama, cuando encontré esas pastillas en tu cuarto yo… Dios, sentí que moría. I do not I lied when I said I was going to protect you because that is really what I do ... the mere thought that something bad might happen to you ... I know you're strong and I would be as strong as you, his eyes shed tears that slid silently down her cheeks leaving a salty trail on her skin "Look for what you've been and still remains. I ... I promise to be strong, I promise to be a friend ... confidant ...
- I am not strong. Always you who stood with me, that's why I could endure ... if not for you ... I'd probably be drowning in pills ... dead ... maybe sometimes, but you do not know it, your the only shaft that kept me alive ... - Toshiya is hatred at that time to be weak, to surrender, and mourn, confess everything, to love the man who looked stunned.
-Toshiya ... - what other words? Do we really had something to say? Shinya stood in silent disbelief.
-Shinya find someone else. I'm broken, I'm dirty. I'm not what you think I'm ... looking for someone else for you ... someone ... someone beautiful pure
"I do not I want someone else. Look, I do not care if you love me or not. Not anymore. I just want to see you happy, please do not say such horrible things about you ... you can not see you but I can. You are beautiful beyond the physical, beyond words. Do not pretend to tell you why I love you, that if I can not and does not tell me you find someone else because I do not want. Let me stay by your side, I ask no more. I'm not asking you to love me ...
"But I love you. Did not you hear me? You're what keeps me breathing and I just make you suffer and you still tell me things beautiful and you make everything more difficult. Why do not you go? Do not you see I'm nobody, not you see I do not deserve you. Stop telling me nice things, tell me I'm nasty, I tell you disgust me, hate me but I love ... I do not know if I can make you happy ... ...
- Is this why you asked me to come here? - Shinya asked, interrupting the downward-shocked "to tell me you love me but do not want to? Why ask me to look to someone else? I do not understand and for the first time I do not know if I really want ....
"It's cold. You'd better get back, and after saying this Toshiya rose slowly from his comfortable position between the legs of the drummer and offered a hand to help this.
"Kuso " Shinya stood in silence with a pained look in his eyes but do not hesitate to take that hand in his to finally leave that place that had protected during all those hours. He said goodbye nostalgic beautiful scenery as the two made their way to home. The ride was quiet, each lost in his own thoughts as if they were ignorant of the other figure walking beside him. All the way was timeless, perhaps very soon, maybe too late finally reached its destination and without a word both set out to fix what needed to practice the next day.
Toshiya lit a cigarette, which earned him a deadly look blond, and went to the terrace as it was his custom since he lived with the drummer. He settled into a chair ready there with the sole purpose of providing comfort during the next few hours until cold and silent decide Morfeo come under the mantle which could be well into the night.
Shinya meanwhile stayed in the kitchen, preparing something to eat as much to Miyu to their host and the simple fact is that cooking will help to entertain your mind and when unwanted thoughts in his head was haunted always the kitchen that could calm him down. The situation might seem uncomfortable and to some extent it was but both players were tired, both physically, by the countless sleepless nights and physical effort, and mentally from the stress of everything that happened in previous weeks.
When the meal was ready Shinya, as usual, I have two dishes on the terrace and sat in the chair next to the bear and like every night the two musicians ate illuminated by light from the city in silence, but not just any silence, a silence shared that belonged to them, a silence of those where the words left over, not missing.
Toshiya's head was in chaos, revolt contradictory thoughts each pulling hard to one side. "Shinya I forget, he does not deserve someone like me ... I give in and love him, let me love ... " Shinya left hand resting on his brain and strongly repels all ideas in his head, tired of turning them over and over again for the paranoia took hold of them and turning dreams into nightmares.
"You know, I think I'll sleep," said peliazul after washing the dishes of food, I am tired and I think I can sleep well tonight.
-drummer is well-watched in amazement at the clock. Were not yet 10 at night and knew that could not Toshiya sleep after midnight but I did not want to argue with him so he chose to act as if everything were normal-Oyasumi.
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2:28. Shinya tired sigh and let it rest the book in her hands on her lap. No doubt it was funny the whole situation. He was a person who never had trouble sleeping but since Toshiya was staying at his house had insomnia caught the bass like this (insomnia, not the bassist) was a disease and since then I could not sleep but in the morning. While it was somewhat annoying, but over time less and less, both musicians became company during the long hours of the night but he was surprised peliazul to go to bed so early, leaving him alone, bored and preoccupied, immersed in he wanted to scare her thoughts.
The drummer took the book again decided to read this novel but this was the third time I read it. Let your eyes glide by the words, lines, pages only to realize that had not understood anything. 2:32 Not even 5 minutes had elapsed! Resigned keep the book on the table beside the bed and turn off the light while under the soft blankets rearranged and Miyu allowed to slip under such and placed next to his body.
"I do not know if I understand," recalled his own words. "Hate me but I love" Toshiya's words linger in his head repeating like a mantra " but I can not pretend not to love him ... I can not stop ... why does everything have to be so complicated? How do you want to act? What do you do? How do I look into his eyes tomorrow? How do you pretend not to say anything? "The blond rolled on the bed looking for a more comfortable position, the magic potion that would allow to slip into the world of dreams but nothing worked. 2:46. A soft knock on the door I get scared in the dark but then calmed down when he heard the soft whisper of his name in the voice of the bass.
"You can go Toshiya said as she sat on the bed and gently taking her pet under the covers knowing that Toshiya did not like dogs.
"Thank you just hear the soft voice. The door opened slowly and did bear the figure of its magnificent appearance in pajamas sexy shorts that exposed her long legs left shapely.
- Is something wrong? - Said the drummer tried to hide the shock on his face when facing those soft thighs shining in the darkness of his room.
"I could not sleep "was the reply of the bassist who was standing at the entrance of the room. They both smiled fun. Of course I could not sleep, "I can sleep in your bed ... like last night? - Toshiya asked timidly.
"Sure," was the answer without hesitation Shinya pointing the empty space next to his body. Sometimes peliazul a mystery as it was at that moment, I feel so shy that seemed another person. Toshiya way quickly and settled into the bed next to Shinya, very close to feel the warmth of her body.
-Shin ... you know ... I'm tired, "whispered wrapping up to the neck and leaving her head resting on the pillow, I give up.
-If you are tired do not have to give up, lean on me whisper in the same tone the blonde getting closer to the bear, slowly and almost unconsciously.
- you hold me? Would you let me rest of you? - asked already feeling the heat from the breath of Shinya very close to the skin, dying to embrace him, and kiss him.
-clear-the drummer went to hug him tightly but gently, enjoying the warmth of the skin sublime Toshiya and the feeling of protection even if the one who embraced and not who got the hug.
- So forever? - Whisper holding stronger, burying his face in his chest firm who embraced of so lovingly. It was as if the figure had been shaped to fit in those arms and felt that I could never be more comfortable than being wrapped in this way.
"Whenever you want," said intoxicating aroma of her beloved hair and melting the simple pleasure of keeping to his chest near his heart as he had always wanted .
-Shin Do not ever let go. I want to be with you. Forgive me, "whispered the bassist.
"There's nothing to forgive," said Shinya also in a whisper as she placed a sweet kiss on the head of peliazul.
Toshiya Slowly lift your head to observe that his face so close to feeling the breath of the last words brushing, that breath closer. Instinctively closed his eyes. For the first time their lips met in a tender kiss, no demands, savoring the taste of another, texture, smell. An innocent kiss without lust, only for the purpose of meeting and demonstrated that all words were true. Shinya let his hands caress Toshiya's face, his thumbs resent drying tears slipped down her cheeks.
Their souls wanted to merge into the kiss but their bodies were calling for separation for air I was already scarce and on this occasion, as in most, the flesh will win the soul and sublime kiss came to an end.
Chapter 12
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